i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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