so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
