"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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