WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
