ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
