it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
