I'm really into asian looking animals
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
