did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
