So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
