I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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