he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
