worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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