I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
