the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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