I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
