Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
