I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
