Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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