The maid of honor just puked.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
