You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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