I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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