she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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