If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
