Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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