i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize