I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
