I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
