So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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