yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
