if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
