what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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