I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize