I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
