so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
