we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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