Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
