Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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