the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
