stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
