Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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