I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm going to jail i love you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
