glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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