Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
