I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
