I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
