Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
