did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
