I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
