Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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