yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
