Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
