The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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