Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
