so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
