You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
