i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you had me at cake vodka
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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