OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
