He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
