FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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