did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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