my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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