a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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