Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
