I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
