Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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