At least make sure they are 18
Why
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
