You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize